You call a situation an ‘experience’ if you only learn from it. A journey of which your life grows…
“If someone says to you you’re a horse, ignore it. If two people calls you a horse, look for a tail. If three people calling you a horse, get inside the cradle!”
This has been to me a guide to find out who is committing a mistake or sin. So one experience has taught me a lesson. Someone has been telling me that I have committed mistake but the way he deals with me is blame me for it. You know that when someone who is at fault, the Bible says that you approach your brother in private, if he does not listen then take someone with you and if still he does not listen, tell it to the church. He did tell it to everyone but without directly telling me that I sin. So that comes out as a gossip. Never mind to that.
Second time we met, still he reminded me of what happened and still poking my head, so I listened and started to find it out myself. It’s true. The person was hurt and disappointed about my action, and worst, for almost 2 years! I admit my fault and he forgave me.
At the same time, the same person who blames me for it has different disappointment with me of different matters, also for about a year at this time. Again, reminding me for it a second time I listened and admit my fault in front of him, he agrees and said that he waited for me to say it for a long time!
I am reconciled to them both as quick as I can…but I can’t imagine how so delayed this kind of process of reconciliation.
What Have I learned?
First, I learned that all of us commit mistakes or sin yet it needs a brother to tell it to us plainly. Yes, I believe it is possible that we sin and we do not know it. That’s why ‘one anothering’ verses in the New Testament appears fifty-eight times! No one is better than anybody else. We cannot just live without one another. I cannot live without you, you cannot live without me.
But this takes a real friend and brother in the Lord to tell you honestly and plainly that it’s your fault without using many words that it comes out blaming you. A friend and brother protects your friendship, this takes honesty between you and him.
Of this two people I encountered that month, none of them is honest enough to treat me as a friend and brother though we know each other for quite some years. They did told me that its not right, it’s my fault, or even a sin but you know what comes out if such words came out, “If I were you I should have not done that, I should have done it this way…”
I learned my lesson, “Did anyone hurt me or make me disappointed of something?” There is, another friend who withdraws his support of something that we agreed on. I plan to meet with him in a coffee shop and I told him that I was hurt and feeling bad of what he did and I am sorry for this. He admit his fault and we reconciled together. Honestly, he didn’t even know that what he did hurts me. He thank me for letting him know.
Second thing that I learn is about forgiving. The two brothers showed mercy on me and forgive me as I admit my fault. By they way, I learn from my spiritual father Stuart Gramenz that you cannot ask for forgiveness, for forgiveness is given not requested, you can only admit your fault and then you can be forgiven. I believe this is important, for if someone does not admit his fault then it means that he is not convince that what he did is wrong. If he is not convince that what he did is wrong then how can he change his ways? This is where the spirit reminded me of what Jesus’ story of the Prodigal Son, the son admitted his sin and then his father forgave him. And John says, that ‘if you say you don not sin then you make God a liar’ simply because God knows it and you deny it.
I was reminded of what I read that those ‘big’ people have learn to say the three ‘little’ words that’s most difficult to say, “It’s my fault.”
Third thing I learned is admitting your mistake. To rhyme it this way, ‘It’s easier to forgive someone than to ask for forgiveness.’ I found a book entitled, “The Joy of Forgiveness” but hadn’t found a book called, “The Joy of Asking Forgiveness.” For rhythmic sake let me say this, “It’s not how many times you forgive your brother but how many times you ask for forgiveness.” I am trying to remind myself how many times I admit my fault, in my entire Christian life I can count them around five. Not much and no wonder there are times I have a hard time forgiving someone. I believe the key of admitting your fault, asking for forgiveness when you err is when you learn to forgive someone in your heart. Many people have a hard time admitting their fault because they have a hard time forgiving someone. Many people as well has a hard time telling their brother plainly that, “It’s your fault,” or “I believe what you did is wrong” it’s because they have not learn to tell the truth in love. They don’t really care for you, love you and is not concern of your life. Each of us as Jesus disciples, must learn how to do brotherly talk with each other.
A lesson from one of my spiritual fathers Gary Goodell, he said to me as these things happened are in the process: “Molong, there are three things that you do if you have already forgiven those who err against you.
1.] Do not let other people talk about it
2.] Do not let him talk about it
3.] Do not let yourself talk about it
Honestly, these are wonderful guidance at least for me, and honestly, I have a hard hard time doing this to myself. One of the ways to stop myself gossiping is keep my words down to a few or I will have a long silence to answer those who ask. Include me in your prayers as I battle on this ground.
Three Things I learn Today:
1.] I must learn how to talk in a brotherly love and tune when someone errs.
2.] I must learn to forgive those who err’s against me, even if they don’t admit their fault for forgiveness is based on the forgiver, not on the one who errs.
3.] I must learn to admit my fault, ask for forgiveness when I err.
For if I do not do not do these things I will loose all my friends and brothers. Simply because each of of us errs.
I bump into a quote saying, “Admit your fault and settle the matter quickly or else there will be exaggerations of the story and you will have a hard time justifying yourself.” Or put it Jesus way,
“Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny.” – Matthew 5:25-26